The Holidays

The holidays are upon us.  To foster children, adopted children and their families, this can be the hardest time of the year.  Until the parents have been through a few of these each holiday is a new adventure and generally not in a fun way.

Our oldest spent almost the first four years of her life being with us destroying our time and hers.  Because she didn't communicate well the first couple of years we had no idea what was going on.  One year on her birthday, we canceled the family party because she had been extremely out of control and I wasn't going to put other people through what we had experienced.  After giving her, her presents and finding her in a calm mood.  I asked her, " What is going on?  This is your birthday it's suppose to be fun."  

She replied, " My mom never bought me a backpack for school, she never gave me school clothes, she never gave me food......."  Then she proceeded to list all of her 4 siblings one at a time repeating what she had said about herself.  Wow!  That is what was on her mind the whole time.  Who would know that would bother her, after we had given those things to her?  

I can say now after 10 years she has settled into our routine and traditions.  Her sister who came 5 years ago, has her own baggage.  She has handled it totally different.  Because she was adopted for 5 years, she thought she had her forever family.  When she first came to us, she had fantasy stories of her holidays with her adopted mom and grandparents.  Her adopted mom had told us what really happened so we know most of it wasn't true.  But do I have to say, her outlook made things a little easier.  She anticipated each holiday with great enthusiasm enjoying new traditions and stories of past holidays.  Unfortunately, she has now used some of those stories and placed herself in them even though she was not with us : )

To those of you who are caring for children outside of your family for the holidays, my prayers go out to you.  God will bless you and the children through you as you rely on His peace and wisdom.

Happy Thanksgiving!!